


Worth.

by jamongie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety Attacks, Cannon Divergent, Crying During Sex, Deepthroating, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sex Work, Slapping, Smut, Ten deserves to be happy y'all, Violence, asphyxia, but they make appearances other ways, wayv is intact but the other units don't exist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:41:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25560760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamongie/pseuds/jamongie
Summary: Ten is forced into sex work to pay for his trainee debt. Abused and consumed with self-loathing, Ten seeks comfort from Lucas who is more than capable and willing to give Ten the love and support he needs. Things start to change when Ten encounters a “John” that is vastly different from the rest. Through that man is an opportunity towards freedom and maybe more. The only thing getting in the way of Ten is Ten.~weekly updates~
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Original Character(s), Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten
Comments: 27
Kudos: 105





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please take the tags seriously! We go hard and real dark real fast...more like immediately.

Ten fidgeted in his his chair, fingers knotting and unknotting, left leg bouncing with anxiety. The man was late. Ten had been waiting for almost thirty minutes. There wasn’t much to do in this room and Ten felt uncomfortable touching anything, so he had been sitting for thirty minutes letting his anxiety consume him. He’d called his manager who had strictly told him to _stay put, this man has contributed a significant amount of money_. And so Ten sat. 

A few minutes later, Ten heard the sound of a key card and the the door to the room opened. Ten rose to his feet quickly, trying to look as attentive as his apprehension would allow, hands folded in front of his lap. 

Ten called out the name him he had been provided as a man walked into the room, locking the door behind him. The man was a bit older than Ten, maybe in his later twenties or early thirties. He wore an expensive looking suit and carried a sharp briefcase as though he’d just come from the office. The man’s eyes scanned over Ten’s body, taking in every detail. Ten felt uncertain under his scrutiny, a dark feeling settling over him. The man smiled coldly. 

“You will call me ‘sir’. Understood?”

Ten felt his stomach drop. He knew these types of men. The ones that wanted to dominate and hurt him. They wanted to degrade him, use him like their play thing. But then, isn’t that all he was? Just a thing for them to buy and use?No one had ever gotten too rough with him, and he felt sick that he was grateful for that. He wasn’t sure what the terms of the contract was, but he was almost certain it included a clause preventing these men from physically harming him. If Ten couldn’t walk or speak, how could he possibly sing and dance on stage for them?

“I’m talking to you,” the man called as he slowly took off his suit jacket and dropped it across the back of one of the chairs. “And they told me you were obedient,” the man scoffed. 

Ten quickly came to. “I’m sorry, Sir. I understand.”

The cold smile again. “Great, now strip.” 

Ten hesitated only slightly. How many times had a man ordered him to do this? How many times had he complied? But still, it never felt good, never felt natural. Ten tried to ignore the man’s possessive gaze as he removed he removed his clothes. He tried to move fast, but not fast enough that is was obvious that he would rather be anywhere else other than where he was at the moment, would rather be anyone else than himself. 

The man stared at Ten for a long time after he had discarded the last of his clothing. Ten fought the compulsion to cover himself, knowing that would only serve to infuriate the man. So, he just stood there and endured the man’s scrutiny until the man stood at the edge of the bed and beckoned Ten over with the curl of his finger. Ten obeyed silently, approaching until he stopped within arms length of the man. 

“You’re beautiful,” the man said softly, almost to himself. He dragged his hand across Ten’s face in almost reverence, brining his fingers over Ten’s brow, his cheek, his lips, dipping his finger in between Ten’s lips. Ten allowed it, opening his lips ever so slightly to allow the man entrance. The man briefly ran the pad of his finger over Ten’s tongue before pulling away, a small grin playing on his face. 

Perhaps it was because of the gentleness of the man’s previous actions or the smile on his face, but Ten was caught off guard when the man suddenly slapped across the face hard enough to sting and cause Ten to gasp. Ten felt his eyes water, not from the pain- it barely hurt- but from he suddenness and humiliation of the act. The man chuckled when he saw the tears in Ten’s eyes, grasping Ten’s chin and forcing him to look at him. 

“There, there. You are beautiful, but something about you makes me want to break you. But I am sure you’ve heard that a lot, haven’t you?” The man asked.

The man tightened his grasp when Ten did not immediately respond. “Yes, sir.” Ten responded automatically, mainly because he wanted this part to be _over_. 

“And have any of them been able to break you yet, boy?” 

Ten closed his eyes and thought for moment. What would a man like this want to hear? “No, sir. They haven’t been able to break me.” 

The man’s cold smile returned, larger than before. “I don’t think they could handle you, could they? You wantme to break you, boy?”

Ten opened his eyes, the smallest of tears rolling down his cheek. “No sir, they could not handle me.”

“And?” The man coaxed. 

“Yes, Sir.I want you to break me.” Ten surrendered quietly. 

“Good,” the man said, gently patting Ten’s cheek, the touch burning deeper than any slap could. “But I don’t have time today to give you what you need, maybe next time”

_Next time?_ Ten blanched. He didn’t want there to be a “next time,” not with any of these men, but definitely not with this man. He hadn’t really done anything to Ten, nothing more extreme than any other man, but Ten did not have a good feeling about this man. 

“Get on your knees,” the man ordered without preamble, releasing Ten’s chin from his grasp. Ten blinked at the man once before slowly sinking to his knees. His face lined up with the man’s crotch and Ten tried to look anywhere but in front of him, tried to ignore the set of eyes he could feel boring into him.

“Well?” 

“Sir?” Ten feigned innocence, trying to delay the inevitable. 

“You know what to do, boy,” the man said. “Make it good.” 

Ten tried to suppress the bile that threatened to rise as he finally turned his attention to the man’s crotch. He could do this. He’s done this countless number of times. And really, all these cocks blended together after a while. Ten acted almost on auto-pilot as he unbuckled the man’s pants and unzipped them enough to show the bulge of his underwear. He quickly pulled the man’s cock out of his underwear, keeping his pants pulled up and in place. Ten knew that men like this got off on power dynamics of being clothes and in control while Ten sat before them naked and at their bidding. 

Ten let his mind drift as he brought the man’s cock to his mouth, gently tonguing the tip before mouthing down the side. It tasted disgusting, like all the rest. He ignored the breathy moan above him. How much longer would Ten have to endure this? It had already been years now. And even so, he still had barely made a dent into his debt.Ten wondered wondered how much his body could endure, how many more men he would have to take until he contracted something, until one of them broke him? And then he wondered, as he always did, if he knew all those years ago before entering the agency what he knew now, would he have still joined. Would he still join this company knowing that years later he would be choking on the dicks of strange men every other week? Ten knew the answer and he was ashamed to admit it, but he knew he would still do it. This was his dream. It was his dream to be on stage, to sing, to dance, to _perform_. He’d do anything to see his dream realized, to keep that dream alive. 

He was ripped from his thoughts when the man’s cock pressed against the back of Ten’s throat and pushed harder, trying to force himself deeper. 

Ten pulled back, gagging and coughing. “Please,” Ten begged, looking up at the man, “I have to record tomorrow morning.”

“That’s not my problem,” the man hissed. “Now take me all the way.” Without giving Ten a moment to prepare himself, the man tightly grasped the back of Ten’s head forced Ten’s mouth’s back onto his cock. Ten gagged around the suddenly intrusion, but wasn’t allowed any reprieve from the man’s firm grip. It had been too long since he’d done this, the last couple of guys opting to gently fuck him. Most of the men treated him delicately, he wasn’t used to this. But Ten knew if he was going to survive this, he had to make it easier for himself. Ten loosen his throat and allowed his mouth the go slack. The man’s cock hit the back of his throat and then sunk deeper, into his throat. The man grasped Ten’s head on their side and set a rough pace as he pounded into Ten’s mouth and throat, his comfort be damned. Ten took it, there wasn’t much else he could do but hope it would be over soon. His throat seared with the pain of the main sliding roughly in and out of his throat, each stroke impossibly hard and deep. The man released a litany of curses and grunts above Ten who was slowly floating away. 

Finally, Ten felt the man’s hips stutter and knew he was close. _Just a bit longer and this would be over._ But before Ten could experience the sweet end this pain, the man reached over and pinched Ten’s nose, cutting off his is only source of air. Ten released a muffled squeal as he tried to pull back, tried to get out of the man’s grasp, tried to _breathe_. But the man wouldn’t relent. Ten clawed at the man’s thighs, but that didn’t seem to make a difference only serving to insight the man, making him moan louder. The man continued to fuck into Ten’s mouth in uneven, increasingly frantic stokes. Ten felt his vision blur on the edges, his head go light with the lack of air. Ten knew he was about to pass out. He’d felt like this before when he would practice all day without rest, dancing too hard, hydrating too little. 

And honestly, Ten, welcomed it. He welcomed the darkness and when it finally came, Ten was finally at peace. 

After some time, Ten woke on his side, body aching all over. There was no way for him to know how much time had passed, but he knew he was alone. And on the floor. The man had just left him there on the floor of this hotel room. Did he deserve any better? 

Ten experimentally swallowed, grimacing at the pain of radiating from his throat and jaw. Ten had no idea how he was supposed to record tomorrow morning. There was no way his voice was going to be in good condition. Kun was going to kill him. 

Ten looked down his body and cursed at what he saw. Cum. Dried. All over his stomach and chest. There was no way for him to know who it belonged to, but Ten prayed it belonged to the man, that he’d just come on Ten after he passed out. The thought of that man touching him, jerking him off while he lay unconscious was too much to consider. 

Ten rolled over and hissed at the discomfort in his backside. Against his better judgement, Ten reached behind himself and felt around his hole. It was tender to the touch, but not wet. He shallowly dipped his finger inside. No cum. But Ten had to be sure. He forced himself onto his feet and checked the wastebasket in the room. No condom. He moved the bathroom, no condom there either. Ten sighed in sickening relief. So the man had probably only fingered him while he lay unconscious. 

_Only fingered him_ , Ten considered blithely. He felt bile rise in his throat and reached the toilet just in time to vomit, searing his abused throat as it came. Ten sank to the floor and breathed heavily hoping to quell the panic attack he could feel approaching. 

A few agonizing minutes later, Ten got to his feet. He grabbedon of the lush towels from the rack and wiped himself down after dampening it in the sink. He then brushed his teeth and rinsed his mouth with the supplies provided by the hotel. Ten decidedly avoided looking into the mirror. He knew it would break him if he saw himself. 

Ten dragged his feet over to his discard clothes, putting them on slowly. Ten reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. 

_1:52AM_

Wow, he’d been in there for four hours. Ten had to push down the sick feeling at realizing that he didn’t know how many of those hours were spent with that man. 

Ten glanced at his texts messages. 

_10:15pm from Lulu: movie tonight????_

_10:35pm from Manager: ten, he says he’s there. are you with him?_

_10:44pm from Lulu: hyyyyyyyyyyung are you ignoring me :(_

_10:45pm from Kun-Ge: Stop ignoring Lucas._

_12:45am from Manager: he was supposed to leave an hour ago is he still there?_

_1:01am from Lulu: you’re ok right? going to bed but i have my phone on ::kissy face::_

_1:30am from Manager: call me now. you have schedules tomorrow_

Ten stared at the last message for entirely too long. Anything could have happened to Ten. Something _did_ happen to Ten. And all his manager could worry about was his schedule for the next day.

_1:55am to Manager: i’m done can u send a car_

_1:55am from Manager: on the way_

_1:56am from Manager: he was satisfied?_

Ten stared at the phone again. 

2 _:03am to Manager: ofc_

++++++++++++

When Ten finally arrived at the dorm it was still and quiet as he expected, the members long since having gone to sleep. Ten quietly toed off his shoes, hoping not to wake anyone, dreading any uncomfortable and awkward questioning. 

He stood in the entryway of their dorm, warily eyeing his bedroom door. He didn’t want to be alone tonight, alone with his thoughts andself- loathing. As if running on instinct, he made his way to the door immediately to the right. 

Lucas. Ever dependable, free of judgment, only full of acceptance. That’s what Ten needed right now- to be accepted, to be _forgiven_. He knew he should shower, but the thought of being away from the comfort he needed was unbearable, so Ten forewent the shower and the comfort of his own bed to seek out Lucas. 

Ten gently rapped on the door before opening the door a crack and slipping inside. He watched Lucas sleep peacefully as he quietly closed the door behind him. Lucas always moved around too much in bed, pillows and blankets tossed askew. Ten smiled fondly as he picked up one of the discarded blankets as he approached the bed. He wrapped the thin material across his shoulders and was immediately flooded by Lucas’s scent. Ten was already beginning to feel at ease. 

Careful not to disturb the bed too much, Ten curled onto the bed next to Lucas, carefully watching his face, until his eyes fluttered open. Lucas woke slowly, eyes immediately focusing on Ten. Lucas stared back at Ten for a while. If he was surprised to see Ten there, he didn’t show it. Ten occasionally visited Lucas in the middle of the night, but usually only after messaging him first and never after meeting with a fan—a customer. Ten knew he looked a mess. He knew his eyes must look chaotic and sad, his hair disheveled, and he hoped it wasn’t the case, but feared he also smelled like sex. 

“Hey,” Lucas croaked. 

“Hi hi,” Ten responded, throat scratchy. He attempted to swallow to sooth his throat, but only found that it just irritated his throat even more. 

Lucas’s brows furrowed a bit at Ten’s tone. 

“You wanna talk?” Lucas offered. 

“Not at all,” was Ten’s slow response. And then a bit more softly, “Maybe….could you maybe hold me?”

Lucas searched Ten’s face for a moment, as though he was debating saying something more, until he responded. “Whatever you want.” Lucas reached out and wrapped his arms around Ten’s waist, briefly hesitating as though he was not sure if it was alright for him to touch Ten there. Ten released a soft sigh when he felt Lucas hands on him. Encouraged, Lucas held Ten tighter, bringing him closer. Ten wiggled deeper into Lucas’s embrace, curling into Lucas’s chest and huffing another sigh of contentment. Lucas squeezed him tighter, resting his chin on top of Ten’s head. They didn’t speak, they didn’t need to, at least not in that moment. 

After a while, Ten felt the courage to speak up. “Lucas?”

“Hmm?” 

“Have you ever— has the company ever made you do something you didn’t want to do?” Ten asked timidly, voice muffled by the thick sweatshirt Lucas was wearing. 

Lucas was silent for a moment. “Yes, sometimes. Like dieting, working out when I don’t want to, making me go topless.” Ten remained silent and began chewing on his bottom lip. “Is that what you mean?” 

Ten sighed. Lucas wouldn’t know, he wouldn’t understand. Ten had selfishly wished that someone else could understand what he was going through, help him find a way out. But, that would mean they too were being forced into hotel rooms to do whatever was at the whim of strangers. Ten didn’t wish that on anyone, especially not Lucas who was so kind and full of love. Lucas especially didn’t deserve to be treated like that. 

“No, not like that,” Ten finally responded. 

Lucas leaned back so that he could look down at Ten’s face. “What do you mean then?” he asked. When Ten didn’t answer, he pressed, “Does it have to do with why you some times come home so late?” 

Ten’s breath hitched and his heart began to beat so rapidly, he was sure that Lucas could feel it.

“I— I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Ten—”

“Never mind,” Ten said quietly. 

“I just— Are you alright?” 

The warmth and concern in Lucas’s voice calmed Ten slightly, but he still wasn’t going to talk about it. It had been a mistake to bring it up in the first place. 

“I’m okay, Lulu. Really.” He glanced up at Lucas and saw the skepticism in his eyes, but he didn’t press the matter. Ten was grateful. He closed his eyes and moved closer to Lucas, filling in the space Lucas had created earlier. Lucas tightened his grasp around Ten. 

Ten was grateful that Lucas didn’t comment on the small sniffles Ten couldn’t prevent from escaping as he fell asleep. He was always grateful to Lucas. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for checking this story out and leaving all those kudos and comments. I really means a lot :,) 
> 
> Also, um, so much for "weekly" updates, lol.

Ten woke the next morning feeling slightly overheated, but still comfortable. He blinked into the soft ray of sunlight that crept in through the single window in Lucas’s room. Ten and Lucas were basically in the same position they had fallen asleep in, except Lucas’s hold on Ten had significantly loosened. Ten studied Lucas’s face and felt a rush of gratitude and affection flood over him. Ten honestly didn’t know how he would have made it through the night without him. He had experienced difficult nights in the past, but nothing nearly as rough as last night. Ten had sinking feeling that it wouldn’t be as easy to bounce back from last night as it had been for other nights. 

Ten gently wiggled out of Lucas’s arms, remiss to leave the warmth of the bed and Lucas’s embrace. He glanced at the clock on Lucas’s wall and groaned out loud, but quickly quieting himself, remembering that Lucas was still asleep. He’d only gotten three hours of sleep. This was going to be a long day. 

After slipping from Lucas’s room, Ten crept his way to the bathroom and immediately discarded his clothing as soon as he locked the door behind him. The scalding heat of the shower was a welcomed distraction from Ten’s thoughts. He scrubbed his skin until it was pink with irritation, a feeble attempt to forget what had happened the night before. As Ten brushed his teeth, he took a chance and looked at himself in the mirror and was surprised to find that he didn’t look as awful as he felt. Sure, there were bags under his eyes, but that could easily be explained away by lack of sleep. At least he still looked like a human being even if he didn’t feel like one. 

When Ten finally emerged from the bathroom, the other members had gradually made their way to to kitchen. Lucas and YangYang sat at the dining table, while Hendery and Xiaojun were setting drinks and coffee onto the table. Winwin must have still been asleep. Kun was plating the reheated food their cook had made for them earlier. 

“Ten, do you want some?” Kun called as Ten passed by. 

Ten briefly considered and concluded that he wasn’t confident that he could keep any food down that morning. Besides, if he passed on breakfast, he may have a chance to get a couple of more minutes to sleep. 

“No, I think I’m good. Thanks,” Ten responded, silently cursing how uneven his voice sounded. 

Ten tried to pretend to not see the concerned look on Lucas’s face as he made his way to his own bedroom.

+++++++++

That morning’s recording went as terrible as Ten had expected. He voice was obviously strained and he couldn’t hit any of the high notes he’d learned to nail. Thankfully, Kun was accommodating and actually pushed Ten to relax and allow his voice the opportunity to rest. Ten appreciated Kun’s understanding. Ten was a perfectionist by nature and despite the carefree attitude he projected, he was often consumed by his worries over the smallest problems- real or imagined. So, Kun’s understanding helped the quell some of the anxiety that had been building prior to the day’s recording and had given Ten’s mind permission to release that particular concern. Although his other concerns seemed insurmountable, he was at least glad to one less thing to worry about. 

Ten grabbed a seat in the back of the studio where he could be out of sight and out of the way. From this position Ten was able to observe the others recording while he read over the notes for the day’s recording, trying to commit the music and lyrics to memory.

“Hey,” a voice called softy to Ten, just barely loud enough for him to hear. Ten glanced up and saw Lucas smiling down at him, two cof fee mugs in his hands. 

Ten couldn’t help but return the smile. “Hi, hi,” he greeted. 

Lucas sat down next to Ten, the little alcove Ten had settled in barely large enough to accommodate them both, forcing Lucas’s leg to press against Ten’s thigh. Ten couldn’t help but notice the difference in their size, Ten’s own thigh looking so small next Lucas’s substantial muscle. 

“I got you some tea with honey. I figured iced Americano was out of the question,” Lucas said, handing one of the mugs to Ten. “For your throat.”

Ten glanced up at Lucas, then back to the mug. He took the warm beverage appreciatively and began sipping it quietly after giving Lucas a small thanks. Lucas just nodded in response and glanced at the papers in Ten’s other hand. 

“It’s too bad you can’t record today,” Lucas commented. 

Ten hummed in agreement. “Yeah, but at least it gives me time to digest the music a bit more. Maybe also practice my pronunciation a bit. Some of these lines are really fast.”

“I would offer to help but some people say my Mandarin isn’t that great. Lies…” Lucas trailed off, grinning. 

“Yeah, I’ll just ask Hendery later,” Ten chuckled, warming up from more than just the tea.

“Just wait. When we record a song in Cantonese, I’ll be your go to guy.”

Ten chortled. “I could still go to Hendery for that, you know.”

Lucas exaggerated a pout that had Ten laughing, nearly spilling his tea. Ten reached over and playfully poked Lucas in the side. “Don’t worry, Lulu. You can be my Cantonese instructor too.” Lucas laughed along with Ten, taking a sip from his own mug. 

Silence fell between them as Ten went back to reviewing his notes and Lucas observed the others recording. It was a comfortable silence, each taking solace in their own thoughts. Although they could be both be incredibly talkative, they often shared moments of silence like this together, in comfortable companionship. 

“So, Ten…” Lucas began with hesitation several minutes later after the other members had taken a break from recording and ventured out to raid a nearby convenience store for snacks. Ten braced himself. This was the conversation he had been dreading and had somehow deluded himself into thinking he could avoid. “Ten, are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Ten responded too quickly to be convincing. The lie was obvious.

“Ok…but last night, you seemed really upset,” Lucas pressed.

“I was just tired.”

“It seemed like it was more than just being tired.” He really wasn’t going let Ten get away that easily. 

“I also had a lot my mind,” Ten said softly, staring into his mug. 

“You cried in your sleep, all night. I’ve never seen you like that. Not even when you got injured and couldn’t perform with us.” Lucas’s voice was matter of fact, but nonjudgmental. Of course Lucas wasn’t judging him. 

Ten was silent. What could he possibly say to Lucas?

“Ten, I’m just really worried about you,” Lucas continued with Ten didn’t respond. 

Ten sighed, finally looking up at Lucas. What he saw broke his heart. Lucas’s concern was almost palpable and Ten ached at the thought that there was nothing he could say that could possibly assuage Lucas. He felt a rush of guilt for causing Lucas to be concerned over him, because the source of Ten’s unhappiness wasn’t going away anytime soon. No, Ten feared that he would have more days like last night. He feared that he would constantly make Lucas worry over him. 

“I— I just had a really bad night last night,” Ten said vaguely. 

“What happened? Can I help?” Lucas asked earnestly. 

Ten smiled bitterly. “I wish you could, Lulu. I do, but it’s just one of those things where it is what it is. You know what I mean?”

“No really,” Lucas mumbled. 

“Well, please just trust me ok? If I really need help, I know I can come to you.” Was it a lie? No, not really. Ten _did_ know he could go to Lucas, knew that Lucas would try to help him. But Ten also knew that there was nothing Lucas could actually do about this situation. And truly, Ten could not bare the thought of Lucas knowing this about him, of knowing how many nights Ten had spent on his knees on hotel room floors. He needed someone to believe he was still good and selfishly, he could not ruin the image Lucas had of him. 

Lucas studied Ten for a while, as he had the night before. He was clearly debating whether to push or just accept Ten’s words. The decision was made for him, however, when the other members burst through the doors, talking and laughing much too loudly. Lucas bit his lip as he glanced at the door, then back at Ten.

Ten gave Lucas’s arm a squeeze and an apologetic look before jumping to his feet, mirthful mask in place. “You better have brought me something delicious,” Ten shouted as he ran over the members, once again, pretending that he couldn’t feel the weight of Lucas’s heavy gaze.

+++++++++

Weeks had passed without any more calls from Ten’s manager to meet with anyone and he was incredibly grateful for the time away from that unsavory part of his life. His body had healed and he had managed to almost fooled himself into forgetting that he wasn’t expected to do more than just be an idol. But for the weeks where his only concerns were whether he was he was hitting the right notes or pushing his dancing to the next level, Ten had been at peace. 

Of course it couldn’t last forever. Ten was naive to believe it could. 

So, he should not have been as surprised and gutted when his manager approached him after a fan meeting to inform him that he had a different schedule than the rest of the members. Ten wasn’t going to hotpot to celebrate with everyone else. No, he had other business to attend to. 

Less than an hour after the fan meeting Ten stood outside the hotel room door, fiddling with a string in his pocket and scrolling through the very short message on his phone for what was not the first and surely would not be the last time. He mentally scanned his outfit- was he dressed appropriately? No matter how many times he’s done this, with countless, faceless men, Ten never knew what to wear. Perhaps it didn’t even matter, his clothes weren’t staying on long anyway. 

_PH 2_

_Johnny_

That was all the information he had for the night. 

Ten nervously ran his hands through his hair, anxious that it still carried the remnants of the night’s performance- of the sweat, makeup, and general grime that comes with performing on stage. 

Not really satisfied, but knowing he probably couldn’t delay it anymore, Ten softly rapped on the door. He couldn’t lie, a large part of him reasoned that if he knocked soft enough maybe this man, Johnny, wouldn’t hear and Ten could go back to his own room, his own bed. 

“It’s open, come in,” a warm timber voice called. 

Reluctantly, Ten entered the room and quickly scanned the room, not overly impressed- it looked like every other lush penthouse hotel room. Ten’s gaze quickly settled on a man who stood by the large, floor to ceiling windows, looking out into the city. The man turned as Ten approached. He was much younger than all of the other men before him, which really took Ten by surprise. He was taller than Ten by at least several inches, strongly built, but not overly muscular. His face was bright and handsome. It made Ten resent him even more. 

The man smiled almost shyly as Ten approached and stood facing him in the middle of the room. “Hi Ten. I’m Johnny,” the man said as he strode over to Ten, extending a large hand. Ten carefully shook his hand and nodded.

“Nice to meet you,” Ten said quietly. This was one of the parts he hated most, where they both pretended as though they weren’t there for a very specific reason. As though the men before him hadn’t just bought Ten, as though they didn’t want to do anything but degrade him for their own carnal pleasure. 

Johnny continued to smile shy, large eyes trying to looking everywhere but at Ten, but utterly failing. 

“You were so good tonight. I really enjoyed your solo stage. I always love watching you dance,” Johnny said a little too loudly. 

“Ah, thank you,” Ten said. 

Silence hanged between them, awkward and thick. 

“I’ve been a fan of you since your days as a rookie,” Johnny continued awkwardly. 

“Can I have a drink?” Ten asked abruptly. He was so on edge, he needed something to calm him. If anything, Johnny was an accommodating host, listing off the list of drinks in the bar and offering to place an order for anything Ten wanted that wasn’t there. Guard up, Ten took a beer, something he could open on his own and know it had not been tampered with. He didn’t care how his choice in beverage was less than elegant, he needed to prioritize his safety. 

Ten quietly sipped his beer, stealing glances at Johnny as they stared out into the cityscape, side by side. _When is he going to get this over with?_ Ten thought anxiously. 

“I’m sorry, I’m a little bit nervous. I’ve just been a fan of yours for years,” Johnny said staring straight ahead. “This must be so boring for you.”

Ten sighed internally, realizing that if this night were to be over soon, he would have to start initiating things. He turned to Johnny, lowering his head slightly and looking up at him through his lashes- a move he knew was always affective. “I can think of ways we can entertain ourselves.”

Johnny turned to Ten, the change in his voice capturing his attention. He looked startled at what he saw. “I— what. Um,” he swallowed heavily and turned back to the city scape. “Want to go to the street fair?”

“What?”

“The street fair,” Johnny repeated, pointing out of the window to the street below them. The street was lined with twinkling lights and brightly colored booths. Ten vaguely recalled passing by the street fair on his way to the hotel, but he was way too distracted to really take notice. “I think today might be the last day and I haven’t eaten yet. Street food is seriously the best.”

“You want to go to a street fair?” Ten repeated dubiously. 

“I don’t know why they had us meet in a hotel room. It’s so stuffy in here,” Johnny complained. “It’s kind of weird for this meet and greet to be inside of a hotel room, isn’t it? But maybe because it’s VIP package?” Johnny mused out loud. 

“Meet and greet?” Ten asked, truly confused. Is that what they were calling it? None of these men nor his manager had ever bothered to talk to him about the logistics of what he was doing, he was just told where to go and when to open his mouth. 

Johnny looked a little contrite. “Well, I mean, I think it’s supposed to be a boyfriend experience more than just a regular meet and greet, so I’m sure you weren’t expecting me. But I swear, I’m not a perv I just wanted to meet you,” Johnny finished in a rush. 

Was this man serious?

Ten blinked at the man several times before bursting into laughter. How sick was this world that this man was embarrassed about a meet and greet boyfriend experience when Ten had come to the room expecting to have sex for whatever amount of money Johnny had paid for him. Ten sobered out eventually, gently wiping a tear from his eyes, marveling that for once that his tears in a hotel room weren’t arising from pain and humiliation. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not judging you. I just— you’re just not what I expected,” Ten finally said.

“What did you expect? A teenage girl?” Johnny asked, a glint in eyes. 

Ten laughed easily. “No, no. I’ve just never done a meet and greet or boyfriend experience thing before. I don’t know what I’m doing.” 

That seemed to ease Johnny a bit and an easy smile crept onto his face. “Ok, great. It’s comforting to know that we’re both pretty clueless.”

“So, what are we supposed to do then?”

Johnny shrugged his shoulders. “Go on a date? I guess?”

“Um…” Ten looked around the hotel room, eyeing the bed and quickly realizing that his definition of “date” was probably much different than what Johnny was imaging. “Well, we definitely have the awkwardness of a first date down.”

“Aren’t you suppose to give me your jacket or something? Or lay it across a puddle for me?”

“I’m wearing a t-shirt,” Ten deadpanned, making Johnny laugh out loud this time. 

Ten smiled at Johnny’s laugh, setting his beer down onto the table. He felt like he didn’t need it anymore. “What’s the refund policy on this meet and greet? I feel like you’re not getting your money’s worth.” 

“No way. This is great. I was wondering though…” Johnny hesitated and Ten braced himself. “I was wondering if I could get your autograph?”

Ten blinked in surprise once again. “Of course,” he said genuinely smiling at Johnny. Ten watched Johnny carefully as he ran to his backpack and pulled out the group’s latest album. Ten smiled as Johnny timidly approached, presenting the album and marker to Ten.

“I bookmarked the page I would like you sign. I looked it up and that’s how they do it in fan sign events, right?”

Ten looked at Johnny, with his brows raised, teeth biting his lips slightly- completely giving away his nervousness. Ten released another easy laugh. 

“You keep laughing at me and looking at me like that,” Johnny observed. 

“I’m sorry, you’re just really cute,” Ten said before he could stop himself and watched Johnny beam. 

Johnny gave Ten space as he wrote a message in the album and signed in for him, saying that it was too embarrassing to read in front of Ten and that he wanted to wait until he was home. Ten handed the album back to Johnny who placed it back into his backpack. 

“Thanks so much, Ten,” Johnny smiled, slinging the backpack over his shoulder. 

“Wait, you’re going?” Ten asked, feeling an edge of recklessness approaching. 

“Um, yeah? I— I met you and got your autograph. And I’m sure you’re busy—”

“I thought you wanted to go to the street fair?” Ten looked over at the clock. “We still have 30 minutes before it closes.”

Johnny beamed again.

“We have to get you your money’s worth,” Ten grinned. “Now hurry up but the food stands start closing.” 

Yes, Ten was being reckless, but as he watched Johnny return his smile as he followed Ten out of the hotel room, Ten also felt that he deserved to be a bit reckless.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh geez hi! i'm back! i'm so sorry i haven't updated forever. i didn't have a personal computer for the longest time and i definitely wasn't going to write this on my work laptop! thank you for being patient, reading and leaving such lovely comments. i really appreciate it! please continue to show your support if you can! comments are always welcomed :)
> 
> also about this chapter, there is non-con at the very end, so please be warned.

Ten stared at his phone for what was certainly not the first time in the last fifteen minutes. If he was being honest with himself, he’d been checking it constantly throughout the day until finally, finally opening his messaging app and staring at the empty chat. 

It had been a week since Ten’s date with Johnny. Could he really call it that- a date? That was how Johnny had referred to it and the more Ten reflected on the night, the more accepting he became of the label. It made his belly tighten slightly thinking that he had been on date, technically, his first. He tried to push from his mind the fact that Johnny had paid for Ten that night. He tried not to let the memory of what usually happened when men paid for Ten to taint his memory of his time with Johnny. 

As desperate as it may seem, that night had been one of the most fun nights Ten has had in recently memory. Perhaps it was because he was away from schedules for the first time in so long or perhaps because it was the thrill of doing something he wasn’t supposed to- with a stranger nonetheless- that made the night so enjoyable. 

He and Johnny hadn’t done anything of real note that night- just strolling around the street fair, trying to catch booths before they closed. They walked around the empty streets after the street fairofficially closed, just talking. Ten wasn’t used to carrying conversations with strangers outside of fan signs or other promotional activities. And despite appearances to suggest otherwise, he was quite withdrawn around strangers. But Johnny easily led the conversation and with Ten still feeling high off his impulsivity, conversation flowed so easily and naturally between them. Ten was pleasantly surprised that Johnny didn’t ask many invasive questions about Ten’s group or agency. He had just asked about Ten. What Ten was into lately, what did Ten like to do in his free time. Ten, Ten, Ten. Johnny was entire focused on Ten the entire time. It wasn’t that Ten wasn't used to being the center of attention, he was. It was simply that he was center of attention as Idol Ten or for his body, rarely ever just Ten. 

It had felt good. 

So good that long after Johnny had uncertainly given Ten his number and silently accepted that he wouldn’t necessarily be receiving Ten’s number in return, long after they had parted and Ten’s ride had picked him up, even after he had gone to bed feeling at ease for the first time in a while, Ten still thought about Johnny. About his easy smile, handsome face, his earnest eyes. It all made it easy for Ten forget himself, who he was. 

Ten wanted to keep forgetting. So his fingers itched over Johnny’s contact, which was simply saved as an emoji that could best describe how Johnny made him feel. He was huddled in the corner of the practice room, using their short break to mull over what to do. 

4:30pm to😳: hi hi 

Ten turned his phone on silent and put his phone down. Ten fiddled with the bracelets at his wrist as he waited for a response, periodically glancing at his phone to see if the screen lit up with any notification. With humiliating speed, Ten unlocked his phone as soon as he saw a notification. 

4:40pm from 😳: ten? 

4:43pm to 😳: 😼 

4:43pm from 😳: I hope you know this means I am saving you as a cat in my phone 

4:44pm to 😳: ur already saved as an emoji in mine 

4:45pm from 😳: hahah which one? 

4:46pm to 😳: i’m not telling 😼 

4:46pm from 😳: Fine. Keep your secrets. What are you up to today? 

Ten smiled as he told Johnny about practice, how there was a move that he hadn’t been able to master yet and that he was feeling pressure as the main dance to master the moves quickly. Johnny had offered him words of support and a few laughs. Apparently, he was at work, which Ten still wasn’t so sure he understood. Johnny had attempted to explain it the other day, but Ten had found it difficult to focus on all of the unfamiliar words. Fortunately, Johnny hadn’t taken any offense, conceding that his work was, in fact, boring. 

“Ten- are you coming?” Xiaojun called from where the members had gathered in the center of the room to resume their practice. 

Ten glanced at the time and was surprised to find that their break had passed quickly. Apparently, Johnny had the ability to make Ten forget himself in person and at a distance. Ten closed and locked his phone before throwing it on top of his bag and running to join the others. 

The rest of practice was just as difficult as it had begun. Ten still could not master a couple of the moves, but this time found that his inability to master the moves hadn’t stressed him out as it had earlier in practice. Ten was the main dancer for a reason, he would master it eventually- he just needed a bit more practice. As the members slowly dispersed and gathered their belongings, Ten lingered to stretch a bit longer. Having been injured in the past, he was wary of injuring himself again and took every precaution he could to make sure he remained healthy. Satisfied he had appropriately stretched his already aching limbs, Ten returned to his bag to find Lucas waiting for him. He was sitting next to Ten’s bag languidly scrolling through his phone. 

“Hyung, your phone has been buzzing like crazy,” Lucas commented, eyebrows raised suggestively, nodding towards Ten’s phone which was still resting on his bag. 

Ten rolled his eyes and unlocked his phone, eyes roaming over the several messages Johnny had sent. 

“Oh, what are you smiling at?” Lucas teased, rising to look over his shoulder. 

Ten quickly closed the app, shoving his phone in his pocket. Ten felt his face flush slightly- he'd had no idea he’d been smiling. But it wasn’t his fault- Johnny told really unfunny Dad jokes. 

“Nothing, nothing. Why are you here anyway? Thought you’d want to run with the others to get food.” 

Lucas shrugged, “I wanted to wait for you.” 

Ten smiled, patting the side of Lucas’s face as he gathered his belongings. “You’re too sweet. Ok, let’s go.” 

Lucas placed his hand over Ten’s where it still rested on his cheek, his large hands easily curling over Ten’s hand, holding it in place. His hand was warm and gentle as it wrapped around Ten’s hand. Lucas smiled gently, eyes bright and sincere as always. 

“I’m glad to see you smile again, Hyung,” Lucas said quietly. 

Ten didn’t have an opportunity to respond when Ten’s manager entered the room, calling out Ten’s name. Lucas immediately loosened his grasp and Ten dropped his hand slowly to his side. 

“I need to talk to Ten alone, Lucas. He’ll catch up with you later,” Ten’s manager said, leaving no room for argument. 

Lucas searched Ten’s face before nodding slowly and gathering his things. “I’ll be outside,” he said softly, but loud enough for Ten to hear before walking out of the door. 

Ten braced himself as his manager approached. There was virtually only one thing his manager could want to discuss with him in private and Ten was never ready for such conversations. 

“Where did you go after your schedule last week?” his manager accused without preamble. 

“Which schedule? We had recording and-” 

His manager scoffed. “Don’t act stupid, Ten. The car picked you up several blocks from the hotel. Why were out there so late?” 

Ten bite his lower vying for as much time as possible. He was with Johnny that time- a client. As difficult as it was to acknowledge it, Johnny had bought that time with Ten. However, something told him that his manager would not appreciate that Ten had spent the rest of the evening leisurely strolling the streets of Seoul with said paying customer. 

“I...I just needed a break. Needed to get some air,” Ten responded quietly, eyes averted. 

“You better not have left the customer high and dry,” the manger gritted out. 

“Of course not. Did he complain?” 

“No, but make sure you’re doing your job. I don’t know what you needed a break for. You’re not even really doing anything that hard,” his manager hissed scathingly. 

Ten felt anger swell in his chest at the words. Not doing anything that hard? Ten was doing things that would make his mother weep and his father disown him. He was doing things that left his body broken and bruised. He was doing things that tore his soul apart, preventing him from sleeping, from even looking at himself in the mirror. 

All of this in mind, Ten couldn’t stop himself from mumbling, “It’s not that easy.” 

His manager paused, staring at him for a long time. “What did you say?” 

Ten swallowed thickly. He knew he had messed up. In all of the years of this arrangement, Ten had never talked back, he had never complained. But somehow, today, his manager’s words were too much. 

Knowing it was too late to turn back, Ten repeated himself. “I just said that it’s not that easy...what I do.” 

His manager laughed cruelly, before suddenly advancing on Ten, crowding him until his back was against the wall of mirrors. The back of Ten’s head hit the glass hard, slightly disoriented from the sudden impact. His manager had never laid a hand on him before, so Ten was completely unprepared to defend against the sudden assault. His manager bracketed his forearm against Ten’s neck, holding him in place. Ten pushed back against his manager, but the arm against his neck and his tired muscles from practice earlier made him a poor adversary. His manager held him still with surprising strength and though Ten knew he had lost, he continued to struggle against his manager’s grasp. His manager leaned in closely, fury overtaking his expression. 

“You little bitch. I help you stay in this company, help you with your debt, so you can live your stupid dream, so you don’t burden your family any more than you already have and you dare complain to me?” His manager gritted out. 

“I wasn’t complaining,” Ten gasped, breathes becoming increasingly shallow with the pressure across his neck. “I’m sorry.” 

“Better not be. Not easy? Let me show you how easy it is.” 

Ten’s eyes widened as he followed his manager’s free hand as it wandered down the length of his body, his intentions becoming clear. Ten bucked against the manager’s grasp, causing greater pressure to be applied to his neck, choking him sightly. “Please no,” Ten whispered. 

His manager ignored him, easily slipping his hand into the front of Ten’s pants, past his underwear to grasp his limp cock. Ten squeezed his eyes closed tightly as he felt this manager squeeze him tightly, almost to the point of pain and jerk him off roughly. Ten grasped his manager’s forearm in an attempt to stop him to no avail. Ten felt cock harden in his manager’s grasp, conflicting emotions running through him- the desire for his body to resist and the desire to have this be over as soon as possible. 

“Please, no,” Ten tried again, “someone could come in.” The thought made Ten want to throw up. He imagined Lucas on the other side of the door, only a few feet away. He imagined the look of disgust on his face upon walking into the practice room check on Ten to see him in this position, so debauched and used. 

“Then we’ll have to be fast,” the manger responded, hand quickening. 

Ten willed the tears he felt building behind his eyelid to stay in place, to not fall, to not show his manager any weakness. His manager’s strokes were rough, with little lubrication other the small amount of pre-come that had collected at the tip of his cock. The discomfort and ache were a welcomed distraction as his manager continued to pull roughly at his cock. 

Ten didn’t know how long it lasted, but finally he felt the familiar coil in his groin and with a harsh bite of this bottom lip, so deep he tasted his own blood, Ten came across his manager’s hand. The first time he had come in weeks- none of the men bothered getting him off and Ten couldn’t stand the thought of touching himself. Ten forced himself to remain silent other than a defeated wine when his manager unceremoniously dropped his spent cock. 

“See?” his manager said, wiping his soiled hand on Ten’s pants, his own breath slightly labored. “Easy. Now, I don’t want to hear you complain again.” 

Ten kept his eyes closed, but nodded quietly. 

His manager huffed disapprovingly before Ten heard his retreating footsteps. He only dared opened his eyes when he heard the room to the practice door close, the sound resounding throughout the room. 

Ten released a ragged breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. He knew Lucas was just outside, he didn’t have a lot of time. Ten took several deep breaths, trying to calm his nerves and his mind. Although he didn’t want to, he turned towards the mirror, he had to make himself look presentable. What he saw was an utter mess. He swiped his tongue over his lip to remove the blood that had collected there. He pulled up his pants and tied his long sleeve shirt over his waist in an attempt to hide the cum stain on the leg of his pants. He smoothed over his hair as much as he could. 

And finally, he looked at himself in the eye. Those same sad eyes stared back at him. 

He felt his chest tighten as he realized that no place was safe for him. This room, where he’s spent hundreds, maybe thousands of hours of his youth practicing had become a haven to him, a place of comfort, a constant lesson in humility and reminder of the reasons he had left home all those years ago. 

It was a haven no more. It will still serve as a reminder, but only of things he wanted to forget. 

“Hyung?” Lucas’s head peaked in from the hallway. 

“Coming!” Ten called before tearing his eyes from his reflection and jogging to join Lucas, ignoring the buzzing notifications from the phone in his pocket.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first NCT fic + my first time posting here, so feedback and thoughts would be kindly appreciated!
> 
> I may cross post elsewhere. If so, I'll be sure to update!


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